Have you ever walked into a classroom and instantly felt its energy? Some rooms radiate warmth, calm, and order. Others hit you with chaos, fear, and loneliness the moment you step inside.
In my work, I experience both of these settings and I feel a deep sadness for the challenging classrooms. They didn’t become that way overnight, and they don’t have to stay that way either. There are habits and skills teachers can cultivate to bring a sense of safety, belonging, and learning back into the room.
The first habit I want to share is building connection and trust, with both the students and the adults in the classroom.
💛 It makes perfect sense when you think about it this way: how likely are you to do what a supervisor asks if you don’t trust them, compared to one you do trust?
If your supervisor micromanages, comments on every mistake, and never really listens, are you going to go out of your way to help them? Probably not. There’s no connection, no trust.
Now imagine a supervisor who checks in on the project you’re struggling with, offers specific support and suggestions, and gives you grace on hard days. Are you more likely to complete a task for this supervisor? Absolutely. You might even go out of your way to support them in return.
It’s the same dynamic for students and teachers. Kids are far more likely to complete a task when it comes from a trusted adult. Trust changes how a direction is heard, and that shift opens the door for learning and growth.
🔬 Research backs this up. In “Quality of Rapport as a Setting Event for Problem Behavior: Assessment and Intervention” (McLaughlin & Carr, 2005), the authors found that the quality of teacher–student rapport directly influenced the likelihood of problem behavior. When rapport was strong, students were significantly less likely to engage in challenging behavior, not because the interventions were different, but because the relationship itself acted as a preventative condition.
They also showed that building rapport through specific interventions (e.g., training on responsiveness and shared activities) led to reductions in problem behavior and increased engagement. In other words, the relationship was the intervention.
From a behavioral lens, high-quality relationships change the setting event, making it more likely that positive behaviors will occur.
🧠 For students who have experienced trauma or unpredictable stress, this connection can not only be beneficial, it can be life changing.
When a student has experienced trauma, they may be in fight, flight or freeze twenty-four-seven and their nervous system rarely gets a moment of rest. A raised voice, a stern tone, or even a sudden direction can signal danger, triggering that same survival response.
Since we can’t always know who has experienced trauma, trauma-informed practice encourages us to assume that anyone might have and to create environments that feel safe for everyone.
Connection and trust are two of the most powerful ways to create that safety. When adults model calm and presence through their volume, tone, facial expressions, and body language, they actually help dysregulated students regulate.
Research backs this up. In the article “Behavior Analysts’ Training and Practice Regarding Trauma-Informed Care” (Taylor et al., 2023), researchers highlight that while behavior analysts often address the observable outcomes of trauma, true trauma-informed care requires attention to safety, trust, and relationships as part of effective behavioral practice. This overlap between compassion and consistency is where meaningful, sustainable change happens.
Integrating trauma-informed care involves considering the individual’s experience, assuring safety, promoting choice, and supporting skill-building with a focus on collaboration and respect, not just addressing behavior in isolation.
From a trauma-informed lens, high-quality relationships change the state of the nervous system, moving students toward safety and self-regulation.
🌱 Building connection doesn’t require hours of extra time, it requires presence. It means seeing your students, hearing them, and responding consistently. Small, intentional actions throughout the day make all the difference.
Maybe you started the year strong with connection routines, but as November settles in, with its exhaustion and busyness, those habits have started to slip. Here’s your gentle reminder to bring them back:
These small moments of connection build trust, rapport, and belonging. And for some students, you may need to teach these skills explicitly - what it means to greet, to listen, or to be aware of their emotional state.
So, what are some ways you’re intentionally creating connection in your classroom?
🌿 Now close your eyes for a moment. Imagine that serene, pleasant classroom, the one filled with warmth, laughter, and safety. Then open your eyes and realize: that classroom can be yours!