I hopped on a video call with the same teacher I mentioned in my previous article, Why Great Teachers Still Feel Like They’re Failing.
“I’m worried about the student returning next week,” she said.
“Tell me more.”
She explained how the student often arrived off the bus already escalated, and she felt unprepared for what to do in those first minutes of the day.
I reminded her of what she already knows, “Use his visuals. Meet him at the bus with his visual schedule. Greet him warmly using as few words as possible. Have all visuals ready in the classroom so the day feels predictable. And above all, stay welcoming, steady, and calm.”
Nothing I said was new. But it was a reminder of what she needed to hear. Less than twenty minutes later, she paused and said, “Kristy, this is making me feel so much better. This is exactly what I need to hear. Thank you.”
Right there, I was co-regulating her. I listened. I validated her worry. I reminded her of what’s in her control. I didn’t fix the child’s challenging behavior. I helped the adult regulate so she could support the student.
And that’s the heart of what adults often forget: Calm classrooms start with calm adults.
You don’t wake up with the intention to escalate students but that’s what happens. This is why all adults in the school community need regulation skills: teachers, paraeducators, bus drivers, office staff, lunchroom staff… everyone who interacts with students.
The research backs this up! Decades of neuroscience, trauma-informed practices, and applied behavior analysis all land on the same truth:
When adults are consistent, predictable, warm and safe, the environment stops reinforcing escalation and begins reinforcing calm, regulated behavior.
So how can you practically incorporate this into your work? Dr. Lori Desautel emphasizes that co-regulation and daily touchpoints are not extra work, extra curriculum, or extra instruction. These moments can be woven seamlessly into transitions, beginnings and endings of class, or any routine. Here are a few simple practices you can try:
1. First 5 Routine: Create a structured, calming routine for the first five minutes of class. A predictable start reduces anxiety and dysregulation.
2. Focused Attention Practices: Short 30 to 60 second grounding moments sprinkled into the day. Small resets, big results.
3. Morning Meeting Check-In: A simple morning rhythm (even two minutes) where students can build connection and emotional safety.
4. Sensory Station or Calm Corner: A dedicated area for access to sensory items that is quiet and accessible with a timer as a place to regulate.
Co-regulation is not one more thing to do. It’s how we show up. When adults regulate themselves, students borrow that calm. When students feel safe, they learn. And when classrooms feel calm, learning happens.
At the end of the day, teaching isn’t just delivering instruction, it’s leading nervous systems. Our presence, our tone, and our internal steadiness shape the emotional climate long before our words do. When we commit to regulating ourselves first, we give students exactly what they need: a calm anchor in moments when their world feels shaky. This is the real work. And it’s the work that builds classrooms where students feel safe, connected, and ready to learn.
This week, choose one co-regulation strategy and integrate it into your daily routine. Notice how students respond. Notice how you respond. Calm classrooms aren’t built through perfection, they are built through consistent, intentional moments of connection.