Connection is one strategy I’ve mentioned that is powerful to reduce challenging behaviors and to be honest, also reduce teacher burnout. When you - the educator - feel the connection with your students, you are more driven to get up, go into work and be happy while you are there. But how do you do this with challenging students?
Have you noticed that instead of confronting challenging people, we tend to avoid them or do whatever we can just to not face them?
I recall one year when there were a few students I did not connect with and I secretly dreaded that class period, everyday. Everything I tried was not well-received by the students. Plus, they bonded in their dislike for me.
It was hard, I cried a lot that year, and it was year ten for me in the classroom - I was not new, I had a lot of tricks up my sleeve but connecting with these specific students that year was hard.
So, what did I do?
I adjusted my mindset.
Carol Dweck wrote in her book, Mindset, about challenging relationships she once labeled as “difficult.” Instead of continuing to see people with the fixed mindset - impossible, resistant, annoying - she noticed this belief about people was impacting her energy. In order to shift her mindset, she shifted the question. Instead of asking, What’s wrong with them? She started asking, What is possible here?
I asked this question and also asked, What can I do differently here?
I asked this question to myself, to the students and to the school teams. I listened to the answers, and I became more aware of my behavior when interacting with these students. I became more open with my facial reactions and tone and this changed the interactions.
This shift didn’t magically change students overnight but it changed my energy during these interactions which changed the interactions.
I realized that I don’t have to genuinely like every student but I do have to get along with all students for the purpose of student learning and the flow of the classroom.
This mindset removes the emotional charge. Remember, QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally. It shifts me out of resentment and into leadership.
The students feel all of our emotions and when I made this shift, the students felt it immediately.
Unfortunately, many teachers are not aware that our own mindset impacts our interactions with students and can actually lead to more challenging behavior.
You don’t have to encourage these challenging behaviors, instead you can shift your mindset to create positive interactions and support learning in the classroom.
By the end of year ten, I created connections with all of these students, the challenging behaviors dissipated and our classroom culture was engaging, fun and filled with learning. I no longer dreaded this class period.
That’s what I did and YOU can do it too!
Stay tuned for more strategies on how to respond to challenging behaviors.
Thank you for reading!