Does it Feel Like Nothing is Working?

Sometimes small changes are just what we need.

I was at a school this week and an Administrator shared about a student who is struggling - arguing, hitting, kicking. Her teachers are having a hard time holding boundaries because they fear what the student might do.

That’s hard, especially when this is just one of thirty students in the classroom.

And her home life is hard too. Abuse, homelessness, neglect.

This student has built behaviors that make her feel safe. She’s created a layer of ice around her so no one can get in and hurt her.

These are all things out of the school’s control. Outside of the teacher’s control.

How can a school compete with what she experiences at home?

“We just keep hitting walls. We put her in ISS, but it does nothing.” (ISS = In School Suspension - a room with an adult typically close to the main office)

My first question: Who does the student trust on campus?

You cannot underestimate the power of relationships, especially when a child has experienced trauma.

My four recommendations:

1. Build one trusting relationship. Trust takes time, stay with it, it will come. Believe.
2. Be consistent, be consistent, be consistent. Predictability helps the student feel safe.
3. Use Check-In-Check-Out. Same time, same place and same adult. Set a simple, achievable daily goal. Let the student feel success, and celebrate it!
4. Provide a daily visual schedule. It may seem small, but it reduces uncertainty and increases safety.

These are not quick fixes. But small changes, over time, begin to chip away at the ice the student has built for protection.

You can slowly chip away at the ice and that’s how you reach them.