“Let’s get started,” I say. Instructions are on the board and handouts are at each students’ seat. There’s a clear classroom point system with a variety of reinforcers.
None of this was working.
Instead, the student’s head is on the table, earphones in and they are ignoring me.
This was the pattern with this student. They definitely did not like me and were not interested in doing any work in my classroom.
What to do in this situation?
Keep trying, of course, that was my job.
But this wasn’t about defiance, this was about trust.
They didn’t trust me.
Before a student learns, engages, or follows directions, they are first asking:
Am I safe here?
This happens automatically and unconsciously.
When the brain feels safe, it can problem solve, learn, and access thinking.
When it doesn’t, it shuts down and goes into protection mode.
This can look like what we often label as “defiance:” reactive, avoidance, and refusal.
This is where trust comes in. Without trust, our nervous systems are on guard and learning is not priority, protection is.
This is where we make the mistake: we try to fix the behavior before looking at trust and safety.
Trust isn’t built overnight, it takes time and repetition.
What does this look like in your classroom?
Here are three strategies to start:
When trust builds, safety increases, behaviors decrease and learning becomes possible.
I know I am more open, more willing and more compliant when I feel safe.
Aren’t you?
Hope this helps!