It was Thanksgiving break, and everything was a fight. Every request turned into an argument. Every argument ended in tears. I was beyond frustrated.
This was 2024. Our son, Finley, was four, and he was pushing every boundary he could find.
“I am not going to make it two weeks over winter break like this,” I said to my husband.
As a BCBA, I knew there was another way. So we stopped reacting and started being proactive. That’s when we put a behavior plan in place at home.
We kept it simple:
When we first introduced the plan, we reviewed it multiple times. I showed him the visual and calmly reminded him, “Remember, Finley, when you follow directions the first time, you earn a point.”
At the beginning, we gave a lot of points. He could turn in 10 points every day and earn something daily. That immediate reinforcement mattered, it got his buy-in.
The other key? Consistency.
My husband and I stayed aligned. Same language. Same follow-through.
Within two weeks, his behavior shifted dramatically. The meltdowns, arguing, and constant boundary pushing faded. My husband was shocked by how fast things changed.
Now, he’s not perfect, and that’s not the goal. But he understands our expectations. He knows what matters in our family. And he wants to earn his points.
It’s been a full year, and we’re still using the system. We’ve tweaked it over time, adjusted how often he earns points, updated the reinforcer menu, changed expectations as he’s grown. It’s a living document.
This past Thanksgiving (2025), I increased the frequency of points again. He earned loads of them. He was engaged, motivated, and regulated, and honestly? I didn’t have the capacity for arguing, complaining, or crying. I was tired, so I adjusted the system. And it worked.
Holidays are harder. Schedules are inconsistent. Routines are disrupted. Challenging behaviors increase, and adult patience decreases. That combination is a recipe for chaos.
We don’t want to raise our voices or yell, but it happens. To all of us. It’s human. And it doesn’t feel good.
Putting systems in place before things fall apart helps prevent that.
The same thing applies in classrooms.
Before and after breaks, student behavior often escalates. That’s your cue to return to structure, not loosen it. Revisit your plans. Strengthen routines. Increase reinforcement. Remind students of expectations more often than you think you need to. Use visuals you can point to instead of repeating verbal directions. Build toward a shared reward. Make it fun.
Power struggles happen at home and at school.
How we respond to them, whether we engage emotionally or rely on systems, changes the energy in the room and the experience for everyone involved.
P.S. If you’d like the detailed behavior system we use, type “give it to me” below and I’ll send it to you.
And a shout-out to Mary Tinsley, who shared the original system she created for her son, this was inspired by her work.