At the end of the year, the energy is not just running thin, it’s gone. Every day feels long and exhausting yet we are so close to the finish line.
What is happening?
I recently learned a new meditation, recapitulation by the Toltecs (thank you @jenniwedmore). This meditation asks you to recall a time or situation where you lost your energy. At first, it was hard for me to recall a time when I had lost my energy. Surely I could come up with something from the last five years, but the last 24 hours? Nothing came to mind.
Since learning about this meditation, I realize I am giving away my energy all the time throughout the day!
This weekend, I took our grill out and when I took the cover off, there was a live mouse hiding. I freaked out and instantly I was transported back to a year ago when we had a scare that we possibly had rats and/or mice in our house. For two weeks, I was living in constant stress thinking we had rodents in our home. I couldn’t sleep. I was cleaning like a maniac.
Looking back, I was acting completely out of character. My nervous system was convinced we had a major problem.
Because I had been practicing recapitulation, I caught myself thinking, “This is taking my energy right now.”
I wasn’t even aware this was happening.
The mouse wasn’t draining my energy.
The story I was telling myself about the mouse was draining my energy.
Awareness!
That’s where our power is.
The moment we notice where our energy is going, we have a choice.
This is also what nervous system regulation is all about.
When our nervous system encounters something that reminds us of a past stressful experience, it can activate what neuroscientists call a threat response. An experience happens, our nervous system tags it as a threat, and later similar situations can reactivate that same response.
In school, a student’s escalation may not just be about today’s behavior. Actually, it may be activating memories of previous escalations, injuries, complaints, a difficult meeting, or situations that felt overwhelming.
Without awareness, our nervous system reacts to all the history attached to similar events rather than the event happening right now. Every time that old story gets activated, it costs us energy.
Recapitulation meditation can help us realize the old stories that have drained our energy, call back that energy, and then notice in the present moment when that story is taking your energy. Once you are aware this is happening, you can choose to place your energy elsewhere.
That choice is regulation. And the more we practice it, the easier it becomes to return to the present moment.
Once I realized the mouse was all I could think about, and it was bringing up stories from a year ago, I chose to place my energy in the present moment and focus on my loving family and enjoying a relaxing night at home.
It’s funny how in the moment these experiences happen and they feel so big so real and so impactful on our days. But then when you reflect back on them after time has passed, they might not seem as big.
But if I can realize in the moment, instead of afterwards then I can hold onto more of my energy. This is exactly what we need more of at the end of school.
This week, notice where your energy goes.
When you find yourself replaying a conversation, worrying about a student, thinking about a difficult meeting, or getting pulled into gossip, pause and ask:
“Is this deserving of my energy right now?”
Awareness may not change the situation, but it can help you stop giving your energy away.
And at this time of year, our energy is a valuable resource.