Have you ever noticed that when you’re talking with someone who’s upset, you begin to feel upset too?
That happened to me this week, but I wasn’t the calm one.
My husband, Alan, and I were picking up our son from camp after dropping a car off for repairs. Between rush-hour traffic, the dealership taking longer than expected, and knowing we’d be charged if we arrived late, I could feel my body becoming more stressed by the minute.
As we pulled into traffic, I finally said,
“I can feel my nervous system escalating. Traffic really stresses me out.”
Alan looked over and replied,
“I can feel your stress…and now I’m getting stressed too.”
It was such a simple moment, but it perfectly illustrated a concept I’ve been learning in my Applied Educational Neuroscience coursework:
🔥Emotions are contagious. 🔥
Researchers have found that emotions leak through tiny facial movements called microexpressions: brief flashes of joy, fear, frustration, anxiety, or sadness.
Our brains automatically pick up these nonverbal cues, often without us realizing it. Before we know it, we begin to feel some of what the other person is feeling.
This process is called emotional contagion.
This happens in the classroom all the time - think about a student who walks into your classroom anxious. Before they say a word, you may already notice something feels different. Their anxiety is already impacting the room before they ever speak.
Similarly, students are reading us. They notice our brisk movements, tension in our voices, and even how quickly we move around the room.
Our nervous systems are communicating with each other.
The good news is that emotional contagion works both ways.
Just as we can absorb the stress of the students around us, our students can also borrow our sense of calm.
This is where co-regulation comes in.
When we intentionally slow our breathing, soften our tone, relax our posture, and stay grounded, we give another person’s nervous system something different to respond to.
Instead of two dysregulated nervous systems feeding each other, one regulated nervous system can begin calming another.
Not because we’re forcing anyone to calm down.
Because nervous systems naturally synchronize with one another.
This is easier said than done when a student is yelling, throwing a chair, or refusing to come inside, our own nervous systems naturally want to react.
That’s why regulation doesn’t begin during the crisis.
It begins long before it.
As educators, we can intentionally create moments that communicate safety.
We can ask ourselves:
Does my tone of voice invite connection or create threat?
Are my classroom routines predictable enough that students know what to expect?
Do I have a calm space available when a student needs to reset?
How am I building trusting relationships before challenging moments happen?
Am I noticing my own nervous system before responding to a student’s behavior?
Small changes in our language can also have a powerful impact.
Imagine a twelve-year-old running late to class.
One response might be:
“You’re late again. You’re getting written up.”
Another might be:
“I’m glad you’re here. Let’s walk safely to class together. We’ll talk afterward about how we can help you get here on time.”
The expectation hasn’t changed.
The student’s nervous system experience has.
I recently heard about a school that changed the name of “Late Passes” to “Welcome Passes.” That simple shift communicates an important message: You belong here. We’re glad you made it. Now let’s help you be successful.
When students consistently experience calm, predictable interactions, they’re more likely to begin borrowing that regulation themselves.
And over time, that’s how co-regulation becomes self-regulation.
In the end, we made it to camp on time. My son came bouncing toward the car with the biggest smile on his face, excited to tell us about swimming that afternoon.
His joy was contagious.
Without even thinking about it, I smiled back.
My shoulders relaxed. My breathing slowed. My stress disappeared.
That’s emotional contagion too.
The beautiful thing about understanding emotional contagion is realizing that it isn’t just stress that spreads.
Calm spreads.
Joy spreads.
Safety spreads.
And so does hope.
As educators, we have the opportunity to become the nervous system that students borrow until they can regulate their own.
And that may be one of the most important things we teach all day.
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