What to Say When a Student Says "I'm Not Doing It"

The problem

You don't have time to figure it out mid-class

A student refuses, yells, or puts their head down. Twenty-five other students are watching. You don't have time to write a behavior plan, and you can't step into the hall for a ten-minute talk.

So you say whatever comes out first. Usually that's a raised voice, a warning about consequences, or "Go to the office." Most teacher-prep programs barely covered this, and most PD gave you theory without the actual words.

Start with you

The hardest part is often your own reaction

Your heart rate goes up. Your voice gets sharp. The student escalates, and you escalate with them. Most teachers call this "losing my patience" or "snapping." It's your body's stress response, and it happens to everyone.

That's why this guide starts with you, not the student. A calm adult is the fastest way to a calmer student.

What's inside

The four moments that derail class

For each one, what to say and what to avoid saying:

01

The Power Struggle

A student refuses and digs in.

02

The Blow-Up

Yelling, throwing things, or leaving.

03

The Shutdown

Head down, no response.

04

The Comeback

The student is ready to return, and you welcome them back without restarting the conflict.

A 4-step sequence you can remember under pressure: Regulate yourself. Notice what the student is showing you. Connect with one short, calm line. Redirect to a simple next step.
3 signs a student is ready to re-engage, so you know when to try again instead of guessing.
What to do while you wait, so you can keep teaching the rest of the class while one student regulates.

Not a behavior plan. Not another PD session.

Just the words, in order, on two pages. Print it and keep it where you'll see it.

From

Kristy Banks, M.A., BCBA

Board Certified Behavior Analyst · Former special education teacher · Safety-Care Trainer

Kristy is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, former special education teacher, and Safety Care trainer with more than 15 years of experience in classrooms and district-level coaching. She trains school staff to respond to challenging behavior from a calm, steady place, so escalations happen less often and students can get back to learning.