One simple question has been following me around lately:
💥What is happening to my nervous system right now?
As part of my Applied Educational Neuroscience coursework, we were asked to track our nervous system states throughout the week using a simple tracker (pictured below). At least three times each day, we recorded where we were on the nervous system continuum and added a few words describing how we felt.
It sounded easy enough.
I found myself checking in five or six times a day - first thing in the morning, sometime in the afternoon, and again before bed.
This wasn’t a typical week. I’m on summer vacation, the sun was out, and life was considerably slower than it was during the school year. If I completed this same tracker during October, the data would tell a very different story.
Patterns emerged which kept me curious.
First, I spent most of my time in the green state.
That felt encouraging because one of our family’s core values is creating a home with as little unnecessary stress as possible. We intentionally try to build routines, support one another, and create environments where everyone feels safe and connected. We communicate when we are stressed and need breaks.
The times I shifted into a blended fight-or-flight state fell into the following three categories:
-
Running late.
-
Sitting in traffic.
-
Power struggles with my six-year-old son.
Most of the power struggles occurred during transitions - getting ready for bed, leaving the house, or our morning routine.
Apparently, transitions are challenging for both kids and adults.
One thing I’ve known about myself for years is that I’m an optimist. Unfortunately, that optimism also applies to time. I consistently believe I can accomplish more in twenty minutes than is actually possible.
Years ago, I made a small but meaningful shift.
Instead of telling myself to stop rushing, I started telling myself to move quickly.
It sounds like semantics, but it completely changed my experience.
When I was rushing, I spent the entire drive criticizing myself for being late. My heart raced, my shoulders tightened, and by the time I arrived at work, I was already dysregulated. My nervous system was in the red.
When I shifted to move quickly, I still arrived at exactly the same time - but without carrying all of that unnecessary stress with me. I arrived regulated instead of dysregulated, and I was a much happier human.
Looking back, I wonder if I was punishing myself for being late. Feeling bad somehow made the mistake more acceptable.
It didn’t. It just meant I started my day in survival mode.
Another unexpected pattern emerged: I almost always remembered to complete the tracker when I was moving out of the green state. I’d notice myself becoming frustrated or overwhelmed, and immediately think, Don’t forget to write this down.
But when I felt peaceful, calm, connected, or joyful? I often forgot to complete the tracker, unless it was one of my planned check-in times. I rarely thought about documenting the green moments.
This made me wonder… Do I naturally pay more attention to moments of dysregulation than moments of regulation?
It certainly feels like another example of our brain’s negativity bias - the tendency to take in the bad and ignore the good.
Then, in a serendipitous moment - my six-year-old son who was filling out the tracker too (he insists on doing everything I do) bumped his head in the shower and became very upset. Through tears he looked at me and said,
“I want to go to the tracker.”
Just like me, he thought about tracking when he became dysregulated. Not when he was happy, playing outside or riding his bike but when something felt hard.
I realized this tool gives him awareness. Awareness of his nervous system.
If a six-year-old can learn the skill of awareness, then I assume most anyone can.
The week of tracking ended and I continue to ask myself:
💥What is happening in my nervous system right now?
That question has become one of the biggest gifts of this exercise.
Another gift that has been lingering in my mind since completing this assignment.
💥Would living in the green state all the time actually be ideal?
I’m not so sure.
Growth requires challenge. Adventure requires uncertainty. Learning requires moments of discomfort.
The goal isn’t to eliminate the red or blue states from our lives.
The goal is to develop the flexibility to move through them without getting stuck there.
Maybe resilience isn’t about staying regulated.
Maybe it’s about trusting that, no matter where our nervous system takes us, we have the awareness and the skills to find our way back.
Now I am curious about you.
Try tracking your nervous system for a day, for a week, for a month.
What patterns emerge? What do you notice about the times you move between the different states? Who are you with? Where are you? What situations continue to move you towards regulation - or away from it?
And perhaps most importantly…
Can you notice the shift while it’s happening?